This morning while driving to work as usual my mind was preoccupied.
Was thinking so much. Kept thinking about why whyw hwy... EM nor D called....
then suddenly the car infront of me braked.. I thought... i couldn't break in time.. i surve my car to the other lane.. thank God .... there was no car coming.. or else.. MATI LIAO....
probably will be six feet under. I want white roses if that ever happens... and I want my ashes scattered in the ocean... :)
ciao
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Monday, October 11, 2004
Friday, October 01, 2004
Ability to totally trust and let go
Its the end of another week. I am relief that I don't have to work tomorrow. I have decided, I need to find a 5 day a week job once more. Coz this is mental torture.
This week has been a roller coaster ride for me. One moment, I feel confident that God will answer my prayer. Then on wed, i met with this lady L together with CJ. Cj has problems with her social life always had since the day i knew her. Always ending up with wrong type of people. I introduced her to this healing session thingy and she actually went for a private session. Anyways, to cut the story short, there is this lady who is part of the healing ministry who can actually have visions. So CJ told me that she going to go and see her on wed just to have a chat. I wanted to follow along too as I wanted to ask some qs too.
So on Wed, we met up with L. L pretty much gave us an insight on faith blablabla and such. She also mentioned that God answers every prayer in His Time and sometimes the answer to a prayer is NO. So I asked about my sister in law's case. As since then, I am so afraid, that i might get a different answer eventhough during the healing another answer was given. See during Sarah's last healing session before her passing, the members of the ministry had msg and vision that Jesus was healing Sarah. But yet she passed on. So i asked.... L. Since it was said that JC is healing Sarah how come she died? L said that JC's version of healing is healing the soul not necessary healing her of her medical condition or physical state. So her life after death is purely more important. I told L about my issue how i long to just get out. She told me to pray about it and i told her I believe that God has opened the path for me for this EM thingy. I am not sure if I am reading too much into the signs. See, i got the 1st phone call from EM on Aug 12th 2004. I have changed my phone in June and i applied for the EM job in May. and no news. Yet they managed to call the old phone which was not assigned yet to anyone in O and managed to hear my voice msg that asked them to call me at my new mobile no. With God's grace i went for 1st int. Then i start this crap job. During the int they told me 3-4 weeks before they would contact for 2nd int but it was just 3 working days after i first went for the 1st int that they called me in for the 2nd int. And that was my 3rd day at work. So i couldn't go. I told them i need to reschedule and she told me that the reason why she is calling fo the int this week is becoz next week the manager will be going on 3 weeks leave. I asked for reschedule after the manager gets back. I didn't get a call at all. Then i called and asked afte 2 weeks to see whether i had the chance for the 2nd int or have they got their candidate. She said that they will schedule and will call me once the manager is back. So..... no call... after the duration of 3 weeks was up so i called them up as a follow up. And she said she was going to call me next week. I wnet for the second int and now they say there's a 3rd. So i reckon God has brought me so far, I am sure he will clear the path for me. That's what I am hoping.
But after talking to L, i felt my confidence slipping and she recommended a book called My Daily Bread. we proceeded to her house since she had 2 extra copy which we could purchased from her. She told us the power of the book. She said pray and then ask for answer , turn the book anyhow and when you select a page the msg is there to answer whats in your heart at that time. Alas i tried it for 2 days and both time msg not so good wor.. I so sad lah. Then i was dwelling on this and i heard this voice in my head. That said " What little faith you have" at that time i was thinking that the answer is probably a NO from HIM. So i guess there's still hope right.... after i heard that voice in my head?
I will carry on praying but L suggested that i bring up this and let the Lord know my desire for this EM thingy and that if this is not for me to ask HIM to open another door for me. I want to but my heart doesn't want to let go completely. Will that effect the final outcome?
This week has been a roller coaster ride for me. One moment, I feel confident that God will answer my prayer. Then on wed, i met with this lady L together with CJ. Cj has problems with her social life always had since the day i knew her. Always ending up with wrong type of people. I introduced her to this healing session thingy and she actually went for a private session. Anyways, to cut the story short, there is this lady who is part of the healing ministry who can actually have visions. So CJ told me that she going to go and see her on wed just to have a chat. I wanted to follow along too as I wanted to ask some qs too.
So on Wed, we met up with L. L pretty much gave us an insight on faith blablabla and such. She also mentioned that God answers every prayer in His Time and sometimes the answer to a prayer is NO. So I asked about my sister in law's case. As since then, I am so afraid, that i might get a different answer eventhough during the healing another answer was given. See during Sarah's last healing session before her passing, the members of the ministry had msg and vision that Jesus was healing Sarah. But yet she passed on. So i asked.... L. Since it was said that JC is healing Sarah how come she died? L said that JC's version of healing is healing the soul not necessary healing her of her medical condition or physical state. So her life after death is purely more important. I told L about my issue how i long to just get out. She told me to pray about it and i told her I believe that God has opened the path for me for this EM thingy. I am not sure if I am reading too much into the signs. See, i got the 1st phone call from EM on Aug 12th 2004. I have changed my phone in June and i applied for the EM job in May. and no news. Yet they managed to call the old phone which was not assigned yet to anyone in O and managed to hear my voice msg that asked them to call me at my new mobile no. With God's grace i went for 1st int. Then i start this crap job. During the int they told me 3-4 weeks before they would contact for 2nd int but it was just 3 working days after i first went for the 1st int that they called me in for the 2nd int. And that was my 3rd day at work. So i couldn't go. I told them i need to reschedule and she told me that the reason why she is calling fo the int this week is becoz next week the manager will be going on 3 weeks leave. I asked for reschedule after the manager gets back. I didn't get a call at all. Then i called and asked afte 2 weeks to see whether i had the chance for the 2nd int or have they got their candidate. She said that they will schedule and will call me once the manager is back. So..... no call... after the duration of 3 weeks was up so i called them up as a follow up. And she said she was going to call me next week. I wnet for the second int and now they say there's a 3rd. So i reckon God has brought me so far, I am sure he will clear the path for me. That's what I am hoping.
But after talking to L, i felt my confidence slipping and she recommended a book called My Daily Bread. we proceeded to her house since she had 2 extra copy which we could purchased from her. She told us the power of the book. She said pray and then ask for answer , turn the book anyhow and when you select a page the msg is there to answer whats in your heart at that time. Alas i tried it for 2 days and both time msg not so good wor.. I so sad lah. Then i was dwelling on this and i heard this voice in my head. That said " What little faith you have" at that time i was thinking that the answer is probably a NO from HIM. So i guess there's still hope right.... after i heard that voice in my head?
I will carry on praying but L suggested that i bring up this and let the Lord know my desire for this EM thingy and that if this is not for me to ask HIM to open another door for me. I want to but my heart doesn't want to let go completely. Will that effect the final outcome?
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